What are some good ways to trash a boyfriend?

ok my boyfriend baled on me and i havent seen him in about 2 months. so my friend and are are bagging on him. she thought of one. that he sucks more than a 5$ that has no gag reflex. any one have good insults like that? thanks for your help. : D really thank you its nice to be able to have a good insult. thanks again. thanks SO much.